I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
