come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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