he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
