I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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