it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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