Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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