I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
