Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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