Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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