I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
