I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize