its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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