i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
