I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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