Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
