You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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