Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
