Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
