So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
