I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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