the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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