no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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