My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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