so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
