I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
