I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
