i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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