You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
