Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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