my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize