I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've blown a few things in my day
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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