There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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