Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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