He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
