She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
