Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
