My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
