Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
