____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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