he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
