Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
