if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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