But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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