final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
