fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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