writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
