Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
