those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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