I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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