I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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