at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
