Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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