If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
