The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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