I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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