I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
