So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
