and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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