i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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