how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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