why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
