The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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