we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
