Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
