I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
