Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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